


From Moscow With Love

by sagechanoafterdark



Series: Codename: Lazarus [9]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Blood, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, F/M, Over protective Bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:21:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26972821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sagechanoafterdark/pseuds/sagechanoafterdark
Summary: The answer to that burning question, What happened in Moscow?
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Series: Codename: Lazarus [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1968289
Comments: 1
Kudos: 31





	From Moscow With Love

**_Moscow, Russia_ **

The sound of rapid gunfire echoed in the air as enemy combatants swarmed like ants. Steve was beside you in an instant, shoving you out of the way for a stray bullet to nick your arm instead of hitting its mark. Falling to the pavement with a startled cry, you rolled out of the way, and behind a few crates as black-clad agents strapped with automatic weapons started to flood the area.

With wide frantic eyes, you stared across to Steve. Briefly making contact, he nodded and threw himself headfirst into the fray. The Captain was a fury of rage and malice, striking down men with his fist and shield. 

One of the soldiers laying on the ground had enough life to press against their ear, speaking in garbled Russian before Steve slammed the shield against him one last time. Pure horror showed in his eyes as his head jerked up to your hiding spot, shouting at you to run and find Bucky before another man landed a pointed blow against his ribs.

“Y/N, find Buck!” Steve shouted at you, knocking an agent back then unconscious with the shield. “Go! Get out of here!”

Not needing to be told twice, your heart was already hammering in your chest as you scrambled to your feet, dodging Hydra agents as you went. You’d managed to shoot two before getting clocked in the face by another. It made you see stars for a moment but you blinked the feeling away, swinging your leg and knocking them both down before putting a bullet in each.

Reaching down, you pulled the wired comm out of the ear of one of the dead men, shoving it into your ear as you run. Darting from shadow to shadow, trying to stay as hidden as possible. The earpiece crackled to life, more orders to surround Capitan America. God, you felt guilty as hell leaving Steve behind but his orders were clear. Find Bucky.

Most of the chatter was in English, then a cool voice came over the line speaking in Russian. Calm in the face of it all. The head of the operations here. Your Russian was rusty but the words you did understand made your heart beat faster and panic took you, “Soldat, eliminate or capture.”

**_Twelve Hours Earlier_ **

“Come on, Bucky, we’re going to be late enough as it is,” you said with a breathy giggle. As you leaned over his frame and try to reach for your bra.

The laughter and smile on his face was almost worth it as you reached in vain for the article of clothing, your other arm covering your chest in an attempt at modesty. Bucky had you practically in his lap reaching in his game of keep away.

“Steve’s going to be mad,” you said in a sing-song voice, lunging for it, only to brace yourself against his chest as his arm slid around your shoulders, rolling himself on top of you.

“He can wait,” Bucky rumbled, lips trailing along your jaw to your neck, making you gasp and arch against him. “Patience is a virtue they say.”

Humming, your hands both went to cup gently against your neck as he trailed kisses over your collarbone and towards your breast. “Says the most impatient man I’ve ever known,” you smirked, mouth dropping into a moan as his lips found the edge of your breast, sucking a light purple mark into the flesh.

“Miss Y/L/N, Sergeant Barnes? Captain Rogers would like me to let you know the meeting is starting.” Friday’s voice echoed over the room, making the two of you freeze and Bucky to sigh heavily against your skin.

“Tell the impatient old man we’ll be there shortly,” Bucky grumbled out, rising over you.

“Old man? I thought Steve was younger than you,” you said, with laughter in your voice.

A smirk found its way over his lips before pressing them to you in one final peck, then pulling away. His hands trailed down you as he sat up looking for the t-shirt he’d discarded before your little game of keep-away started.

Quicky, you clasped the bra behind your back, pulling a shirt over your head before shoving your feet into the flats near the door. Finger combing your hair as you walked to the elevator and boarded, Bucky pinned you to the wall just as quickly as the doors closed. Capturing your lips, thumbs rubbing against your waist as he pulled you flush against him.

“You’re. Being. Awful. Handsy. Today.” You said between kisses.

Bucky hummed against you, blue eyes shining and giving you the slow sweet smile he saved just for you. “This is supposed to be a lazy day remember?”

Indeed you did remember that; it was just a couple hours ago when the two of you had woken up tangled in the sheets and declared it a day to just stay in bed together. Relaxing and enjoying one another’s company. 

So far your relationship with Bucky had been smooth, despite a couple of hiccups in the beginning, the two of you were starting to trust one another more and more. Enough for him to sleep in the same bed as you more than once or twice a week and enough for you to truly consider telling him more about your past and extent of your powers.

All relationships started with honesty, but you hadn’t been very forthcoming and you’d convinced yourself that was the difference. Thus far you’d gotten away with telling him the bare minimum. You wanted to tell him more. How you’d found yourself in Hydras clutches, the things they did to you, and lastly how you’d actually gotten away. But no time ever really felt right.

The apprehension you felt in telling him was founded, after the mission in Jersey City, the landscape between you and Steve had changed, altered forever with the revelation that you would never stay dead and that Lazarus was more than just a clever nickname. Walking into the room you felt Steve watching more than any of the others. He’d been worried and had refrained from sending you out on too many active missions since he watched you die on that dirty pier and come back to life again.

“I want to make a comment about the two of you being late,” Tony said, sitting near the head of the table, swinging around in his swivel chair, “But I’m anxious to get started here.”

With a heavy roll of your eyes, you took your usual seat on the opposite side of the table from Bucky and cleared your throat, gesturing for Tony to start with a sarcastic twist to your lips.

The billionaire gave you an unimpressed look before standing and pressing a button on the table. “Jumping right in,” he said, clearing his throat as the hologram lit up the air, “According to intel, Hydra has another plan cooked up and it’s looking less like an episode of MasterChef and more Nailed-it.” His hand swiped through the holographic layout, popping up a few documents for everyone to look at. “A few months back we picked up chatter about a Hydra run initiative while we were in Bucharest. It was just hearsay at first, more back-alley whispers, but then it escalated once they found volunteers shortly after our two-man raid in Jersey City.”

“Volunteers for what?” Natasha asked she’d been snapping her gum until the word initiative. Now her attention was drawn to the documents before her, swiping through the hologram and skimming the data.

The red insignia burned bright on the letterhead, the badge of Hydra but it was the one beside it you were far more familiar with. The hallmark of Hydras deep science division, the same division that had held you captive for years and made your blood run cold with its mere mention. This mission did not bode well.

Beside you, Steve cleared his throat, drawing your attention but his gaze fixed firmly on Bucky, who had gone stock still on the other side of the table. “It’s another soldier program, like the one in Siberia, only more active since they’re sure they’ve perfected the serum and it’s likely to work.”

You could hear a pin drop in the room. Everyone made an obvious effort not to stare at Bucky, but you could see him starting to withdraw into himself. The way his hands clenched on the surface of the table, blue eyes fixed into a single spot unblinking, the stiff set of his jaw, and how firmly his feet had planted themselves onto the floor. Scowling you turned towards Stark, shooting him a pointed glare as he frowned over at you with a slight shake in his head.

Siberia was still a sore spot for Bucky even after the last few years, he’d still wake up with nightmares, screaming for Steve and cursing at Tony. Swinging your gaze back to him, you could feel the shuddering breath he took across the table.

Clearing his throat Tony continued, “Of course the word volunteer was being used loosely. We’re all aware that Hydra has its way of getting what they want no matter the cost.”

“You don’t have to go on this one, Buck,” Steves’s voice cut into your train of thought. It was meant to soothe but you could see Bucky’s shoulders tense. There was no way in hell he wasn’t going on this mission; even if he had to stow away for it, he’d be on that jet.

“Either of you.” Tony’s voice rang out over the soothing tone from Steve.

Frowning, your head snapped over to Tony and his suggestion that you stay behind. Since joining with the team, you’d managed to keep most of your past life with Hydra a secret, telling the same vague details as before. But part of you couldn’t believe that Tony would even suggest you stayed behind; he knew this was the whole reason you’d come to the Avengers Initiative in the first place. To once and for all kill the snake that had bitten you.

Heaving out a sigh, your eyes found Bucky’s from across the table; he looked both angry and annoyed. Inside you knew it wasn’t directed at you but the glare still hurt all the same. “I’m in,” you said firmly. Bucky’s eyes widened slightly at your affirmation before you dragged your gaze away from him back to Tony, “It’s Hydra and I’m not backing down.”

A barking laugh left Tony, breaking the tension that had built up in the room as he looked over at Steve with a wiry smile on the billionaire’s lips. “Told you Laz wouldn’t back down,” he smirked. “Pay up, Cap.”

Rolling your eyes, you crossed your arms with a semi pout, not wanting to look back over at the man currently glaring a hole into the side of your head. You were fully focused on the intel and images flashing up on the screen as Steve continued the debrief as Tony interjected with additional information.

“Suit up,” came the order from Steve as he stood. “Wheels up in sixty.”

Coming around the table, you caught Steve’s eye as he was leaving, shaking your head with a frown before coming to a halt next to Bucky. He hadn’t moved as everyone else filed out of the room, Sam patting you on the back as he went with a sad smile.

The door closed behind the Captain as he gave you one last empathetic look, pointing at his empty wrist before leaving the two of you in the heavy silence of the room. 

“You’re not going.”

“You don’t get to make that decision, Bucky,” you said, sure to keep your voice even. Honestly, you’d expected some kind of push back from him, but nothing so blunt. “I’m just as much a part of this circus as you are and I’ll be goddamned if I let you run off to kick Hydra ass to leave me here waiting for you to come back.”

Bucky rounded on you, his brows drawn together in both irritation and confusion as he sputtered at you, “That-that’s not what I’m talking about.” His voice was raspy, edging on fearful, the same tone he had when he’d woken up from a nightmare. “What if, what if it’s a trap? What if they figure out a way to trigger the soldier… or worse. What if they capture us? I can’t go back to that again, not now. Not ever again.”

Reaching out, both of your hands cupped the sides of his face as you leaned in, pressing a soft kiss against his trembling lower lip. Bucky’s hands gripped at your elbow, sliding along your forearm as he kissed you back. “God help them if that ever happens,” you whispered against his lips. “Cause this time, I have more reason to fight than ever.”

Bucky’s blue eyes searched your own before the faintest of smiles quirked in the corner of his mouth and he pressed his lips to yours once more, taking control of the kiss and pulling you in closer. His tongue brushed against yours and pulling a moan from you, as his hands tangled into your hair. Breaking away signing your name he pressed his forehead against yours.

“Come on,” you coaxed, sliding your hand into his and giving a tug as he left the chair, “We’re out of here in less than an hour and I’ve got my own gear to pack and prep.”

Giving a nod and a coy smile, Bucky allowed you to pull him along behind you. Pulling him to the elevator, you tried to ignore the sinking feeling settling in your gut, knowing the one truth about this mission: Nothing good ever came out of Hydra. Nothing.

**_Moscow, 3am local time_ **

It was the middle of the night when the jet touched down outside of the city. The flight was one of the longest you’d ever been on and you were already fatigued, looking out the window at the lights of the city you hummed. “Moscow looks nothing like I thought it would,” you muttered to yourself.

“What did you think it would look like?” Natasha asked from her seat beside you.

You didn’t have a real answer. Truth be told, you’d never even thought about the city before. As the jet settled, Clint shut off the engines and all went quiet on the abandoned airstrip. The interior of the jet came to life as Tony double-tapped the arc on his chest, nanites swarming him and forming his armor while Steve stood a few feet away, tightening down his gloves and strapping the helmet onto his head.

Stretching your back a little, you made your way over to Bucky, who stood fingers wrapped around his gun. He’d avoided you the entire nine-hour trip; if anyone else had noticed they didn’t say anything. You’d chalked it up to getting his head in the game, but when you reached for your gear bag and he didn’t help you pull it down you knew something was actually wrong.

“Hey,” you tried, nudging him with your arm, wanting to gauge him before Steve started his usual rousing speech before disembarking the plane. “Are you alright? You’re being awfully quiet.”

“I don’t like you being here,” he muttered, scowl appearing deeper for a moment. “Not with this program. Not with Hydra being so close.”

“I’ll be fine. We’ve all beaten the likes of Hydra before, we can do it again,” you assured, thumb rubbing against his cheek, you smiled. It was strained, telling him you didn’t believe a damn word of what you’d said. But you leaned in anyway, pressing your lips to his own before pulling away at the clearing of Tony’s throat.

“Okay, can we not suck faces on the jet please,” he said with a faint tone of disgust in his voice. “We’re on the clock here and I’d like to get home in time for three thousand praises in the morning.”

“Not even sorry, Tony,” you smirked to the man coming to stand alongside everyone and dropped your gear bag. Rifling through your bag as you strapped as many weapons onto yourself as possible, swinging the minisub around your back before sliding your gun into the holster, as Steve started going over the logistics of the plan one last time.

“This is our best chance to stop what they’re doing and nip this thing before it becomes something worse,” Steve nodded at Bucky as he joined the group, his eyes focused on the screen, “Nat and Clint, you’re Intel, find as much as you can, install the worm to upload to the base and get out. Sam, you and Buck get to the north quadrant, there’s a munitions bunker and I want it gone. 

“Wanda, Vision you’re going west to the labs, look for hostages and any unwilling volunteers. Lazarus, you and I are going in central, find the core, and shutting everything down. Tony’s monitoring any incoming agents and the drones are our support and our eyes in the sky. Monitor all chatter in and out of the facility, if someone sneezes I want to know about it, alright.”

Nodding your head, you felt Bucky grasp your hand briefly in his own. Glancing down then up to his eyes, he looked worried. “I’ve got a bad feeling, doll.”

Sam shouted for Bucky to get a move on as he exited the jet down the ramp, fixing the goggles over his eyes as he disappeared out of sight. Bucky gave you a pleading look that had you chuckling, “I’ll see you on the other side, handsome.”

With a last smirk, Bucky departed the jet with the smallest of waves, jogging to catch up with Sam. Waving back with a smile you glanced over to Steve, his mouth was pulled down into a frown as his fingers tightening the strap on his shield. “Remember your promise,” he said ominously.

The smile instantly fell from your lips and swallowing hard you looked down at the darkened airstrip just beyond the treeline thinking back to that night on the docks in Jersey City. “How can I forget.”

Fifteen minutes later, you and Steve were in the process of sneaking up the lot, quietly taking out agent after agent. The two of you were sure to be as quiet as possible, ensuring no alarms were being raised. “Natasha status,” he whispered, looking out around a box.

“Found the main room, lots of intel for the picking. Deploying the worm now for upload,” came the response in the comm line.

“Wanda?”

“Hostages located, eight in all. We’re on our way out and back to the jet,” she replied.

“Sam?”

“There’s some heavy artillery around here, Cap,” Sam’s voice whispered over the comm line. “Never seen some of this stuff before.”

“Do you want us to rig it?” Bucky’s gruff voice rumbled in your ear.

Before Steve could reply, a man passed the gap where the two of you were crouched in the shadow, pausing briefly with his back to you before moving on. “No, stand by,” Steve whispered, signaling for you to go left while he took right. You nodded, going out and around the side of the shipping containers and down the side, pressing against the cold metal as another guard walked past and you hustled to the end.

Steve lept into action first, grabbing the guard closest to him as he came out of the shadows. Nailing the man hard and slamming him against the wall of a building with a crack, the second he let the shield fly, nailing the man before he could even pull his weapon. You launched yourself at the man closest to you in the same moment, slinging him to the ground with the momentum and he landed with a sickening crack.

They were the remaining three in the area and just as you were both set to enter the building, a rogue shot echoed through the night air. The two of you looked at one another in shock just before all hell broke loose.

Semi-automatic gunfire sounded, bullets slamming into the brick behind you as Steve snatched hold of your arm and began pulling you into a run beside him. Steve blocked the gunfire with his shield as he threw you behind the stack of crates. Hydra agents began swarming the facility like ants.

Hissing, you sat against the boxes, hand clutching at your arm where a stray bullet had grazed. With frantic eyes, you stared up at Steve before he dove headfirst into the spray of bullets. Taking out men left and right, leaping from boxes to crates to the top of the containers with an echoing thud, then down again onto the few unsuspecting men just rounding the corner. Somehow the shield got knocked away from him and you bolted from the shadows, gun at the ready. Shooting the few men that saw you before picking up the shield, “Steve!” You shouted, throwing it towards him. He caught it with a cheeky smile before it fell and he was running towards you.

Steve jerked you back and behind another set of crates as more men swarmed into the space. A long string of curses escaped you, Steve’s head tipping around the boxes and your hiding place as he looked at the men. “We’re going to be pinned down,” he said with a curse of his own, holding his hand up to his mouth. “Tony, I need some support.”

A scoff followed the request, “You just light up a room when you come in.” Rolling your eyes with a little bit of a laugh you swung the minisub from your back around as you holstered your handgun. “Distraction inbound in three….two…. one…”

An explosion wracked the building on the opposite side of the yard, drawing the attention of every agent closing in. You and Steve burst from behind the crates as you laid down gunfire.

One of the soldiers laying on the ground had enough life to press against their ear, speaking in garbled Russian before Steve slammed the shield against him one last time. Pure horror showed in his eyes as his head jerked up to your hiding spot, shouting at you to run and find Bucky before another man landed a pointed blow against his ribs.

“Y/N, find Buck!” Steve shouted at you, knocking an agent back then unconscious with the shield. “Go! Get out of here!”

Not needing to be told twice, your heart was already hammering in your chest as you scrambled to your feet, dodging Hydra agents as you went. You’d managed to shoot two before getting clocked in the face by another. It made you see stars for a moment but you blinked the feeling away, swinging your leg and knocking them both down before putting a bullet in each.

Reaching down, you pulled the wired comm out of the ear of one of the dead men, shoving it into your ear as you run. Darting from shadow to shadow, trying to stay as hidden as possible. The earpiece crackled to life, more orders to surround Capitan America. God, you felt guilty as hell leaving Steve behind but his orders were clear. Find Bucky.

Most of the chatter was in English, then a cool voice came over the line speaking in Russian. Calm in the face of it all. The head of the operations here. Your Russian was rusty but the words you did understand made your heart beat faster and panic took you, “Soldat, eliminate or capture.”

Ice ran through your veins; this was it. Bucky’s worst fear. They wanted him, dead or alive, and you’d be goddamned if they got him either way. Feet slamming the pavement and lungs burning, you ran as fast as you could, dodging gunfire and taking out operatives as you went. You slung around them with the crunch of their necks or just shooting them as you ran. 

“Sam!” You screamed, hitting the comm in your ear, “Location!?”

“Northeast corner, we’re pinned down,” came the urgent reply, there was a grunting over the comm and rapid gunfire from Bucky’s automatic in the background.

“Fuck! I’m en route!” You cursed, vaulting over the boxes and crashing into three more men, stomping their heads, ensuring it was lights out, “Tony!”

“Gotcha, Highlander,” came the echoed reply over the line as the men in front of you dropped, two drones dipping down beside you to create cover before pulling away again, “All clear, Caps got some trouble, I’m heading back.”

“Thanks, Tony.”

Swinging around the corner, you saw Bucky emerge from behind the crates, laying down gunfire as Sam came around popping off men as they came from almost all angles. About to run for them, an operative grasped your arm before you could get moving, jerking you to a halt and you grit your teeth as the strikes came. 

Blocking as many punches as you could before taking one to the face, ringing your bell, and dropping you to the ground. Rolling away with a grunt as a boot came down where your head had been, the glint at the top of the building caught your eye briefly before a Glock was waved in your face.

Kicking the gun up and away, it flew out of the enemy agent’s hand, skidding a few feet away as your eyes searched the rooftop. You could clearly see the shining glint of a scope. Someone came over the enemy comm line, giving notice they were in position and the only one with a clear visual of the asset. The only one with a clear shot of Bucky.

Quickly, you pulled a knife, throwing it into the throat of the man standing above you and scrambled to your feet as he went down. Bullets whizzed past you as you ran. Lungs burning. Feet slamming the pavement. The rapid sound of gunfire echoing around you and your heart slamming in your ears. 

Nearing the two, Sam was covered by the crates but as Bucky straightened up, with a heavy exhale a scream left your body as you slammed into him.

_Bang._

The two of you fell to the ground in a heap, your body covering Bucky’s as you gasped for air above him. Heart beating loudly in your ears, all you could hear was your own struggling breath heavy and winded from the sprint to his side. 

Glancing up, his blue eyes were wide with shock. You managed one happy smile before sucking in a hissing breath as pain exploded in your sternum where you’d crashed into him. Rolling off of him and hitting the pavement, you quickly realized you were wet and the shock on Bucky’s face had turned into pure panic.

Cradling your body, Bucky began to drag you backward and out of the line of fire. Your boots scraped against the pavement as you watch the building housing the sniper blow up, a drone dropping down, taking out the remaining Hydra agents.

“Lazarus has been hit!” came Sam’s urgent cries over the comm, your eyes trailing his form as the wings retracted and he provided guarded cover.

Instinctively, your hand went up to where you felt the wettest, coming away stained with your blood. A choking gasp rattled out of your lungs as the sticky taste of copper-coated your mouth. Your gaze found Buckys and the panic in his eyes had you grasping at the loops of his jacket, “Buck.”

“Don’t talk,” he snapped down at you, terror seeping into his own movements, fingers fumbling at the zip on your suit. “Don’t talk Y/N.” Bucky’s trembling hands jerked your suit open, showing your flack jacket and the hole shot directly through it. Armor-piercing rounds, you shouldn’t have put it past HYDRA.

The sound of gunfire was beginning to fade; either you were all winning or the end was coming faster than you would have liked. Breathing was getting harder, it took more and more for you to pull any air into your lungs and it never felt like enough. Your limbs feel heavier as you rapidly bled out on the concrete.

Steve came into view behind Bucky, his lip split and hair falling into his eyes. The helmet was gone giving a clear view of his face as he looked down at you in horror. Steve’s mouth parted slightly and tears glistened as he looked from you to the back of Bucky’s head. The memory of Jersey City brought up fresh in your mind, Steve’s voice shattered but firm as he ordered, “Don’t ever let Bucky see.”

“So-rry, I’m s-sorry,” you mumble, eyes wide and pleading with Steve to understand. You hadn’t meant for this to happen. Not now, not ever.

If he understood there was no sign for it, Bucky’s startled and concerned face dipped back into view as he shushed you, putting pressure on the wound over your chest. “Don’t apologize. You’re… you’re going to be okay, doll. I promise.”

Blinking heavy, you tried to focus your mind but everything was starting to get hazy; you were bleeding out too quick and going to pass out before you actually died. Looking up into Bucky’s panic-stricken eyes, tears started coming and a sob broke your lips. This was it. God damn it, you knew this was the end of both of you. That he would watch you die and never be able to look at you the same way again.

“No, no don’t cry, doll. You’re going to be fine. We-we’re going to get home and have that lazy day in bed just like we’d planned, okay?” his voice sounded frantic as he spoke, every irrational thought Bucky had tumbled out of his mouth. “We’ll be back and you can tell me off because I ate the last slice of cake again from the fridge while you weren’t looking. And we can watch that archeology movie you keep telling me about. It will be okay, Y/N. You’re going to be okay.”

“Buck,” Steve’s voice filtered in from behind, his hand over his flesh shoulder and trying to pull him back if only a little. But Bucky turned towards him, anger and rage filtering into his feature.

“Don’t just stand there, Rogers, help her!” he ordered, pure unbridled rage contorting his face as he saw his best friend holding Sam back from helping. His anger grew and Bucky visibly bristled as Steve stood aside with Stark looking on, faces stoic. “Why aren’t you helping!?”

The scream had all of the telltale signs of both panic and anguish. It took everything you had to fight against the impending blackness, to move your arms, fingers weakly gripping Bucky’s wrist, the other brushing his cheek, startling him to look back down at you. “Buck-Bucky,” you whispered with a shallow breath, trying not to choke on your own blood filling your lungs. “It-s’okay.”

“No.” He whispered, over and over again, voice warping into a high pitched whine as he leaned over you. Tears were falling from his eyes as he looked down at you, dollops falling against your face. “You can’t die, not yet.”

But it was happening, your arm going slack and dropping from his face against your chest. You could feel death waiting to welcome you into its arms, waiting to swallow you whole. For the first time you could remember, you fought. Struggling with everything you had because you didn’t want Bucky to see you die, you couldn’t let him see this.

A pair of strong hands gripped Bucky’s arms, one Steve and the other Tony as they both pulled him away and off of you. “Let me go!” He screamed, wrenching against them but they held steady. “No! No, not her! Not now!”

A heavy sagging breath left you as they pulled Bucky away, your eyes briefly meeting both Steve and Tony’s as they wrestled with Bucky. Trying to keep him away from you long enough to pass. The silent thank you picked up by the billionaire as he nodded back at you just as your vision began to fade out. Bucky’s anguished screams became dimmer and dimmer, your last breath gurgled from your body and all was quiet.

Despair. It was a heavy weight, dragging you under in the calm sea that was death. Suspended in between, everything felt different than all of the times before. 

Maybe it was because you’d actually struggled this time to stay alive. 

Maybe it was the image of Bucky’s eyes and the sound of his screaming voice echoing in your ears, sheerly broken as he cried out for you. Coming back was a struggle, a true fight to break the surface but you couldn’t rise any faster; whatever force held you under it made your lungs start to ache as you fought to break the surface again. The wait for your return feeling like an eternity.

Without warning, the surface slammed against you and all at once you were breathing again. A gasping breath sucked into your lungs as your eyes flew open. The world around you is far too bright for the middle of the night and too loud for you to process anything other than your own pain. Fire streaked through your veins as your heart began to beat once more, replacing the blood in a rapid regeneration as a sweat broke out over your flesh.

Rolling to your hands and knees, your eyes clenched tight as you choked and gagged on blood. But a raspy gasp was pulled into your lungs as you spoke, “James?” He was your first and only thought as you knelt into the pavement, stones digging into your knees. The wound in your chest itched as it stitched closed, pushing the foreign bullet out as flesh mended. “James?”

Hands pushed you up by the shoulders and opening your eyes in a squint, you saw his tear-stained face, blue eyes wide with shock and worry. Throwing your arms around his neck, you buried your face against him, shaking as your body healed itself. “I’m sorry,” you rasped against him. “I’m so sorry, Bucky.”

He was talking back to you but the ringing in your ears was too loud you couldn’t hear him, fingers clawing into the jacket he wore, holding him as close as possible. “I’m sorry.” You repeated like a mantra, too afraid to let go. Too afraid to look at his face, forever changed by what he would now come to know. You would die over and over. Resurrecting time and time again. Forever.


End file.
